A Taste of Something Different

Well, this is a little departure from the usual content here on The JEP Report, but I invented something last night that was just too awesome to keep to myself.

In addition to my hobbies of trying to acquire a debilitating case of cirrhosis and my passion for fishing, I also like to cook. It’s the way I maintain my girlish figure (or rather, the figure of a girl who forgot to take her birth control pill on prom night anyway). Last night I created a dish, two actually, that was the epitome of culinary ecstasy. If any of you are so inclined, I would highly recommend you give it a try what follows is the recipe:

Ingredients:

1 lb bow tie pasta.
1 lb bacon
2 chicken breasts
1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
1 large hot Hungarian banana pepper
3 Mild Pepperonicci
1 red onion
3 green onions
1 can Chipotle peppers
6 cloves garlic
1 stick margarine
1 pint half and half
7 – 8 pitted Greek black olives
1/3 cup balsalmic vinegar
2/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
4 oz crumpled feta cheese
2 bottles Heineken beer
dried cilantro


Prep:

1. Cook bacon in large skillet, eat four pieces then chop the rest into small pieces.
2. Cut green, red, and yellow peppers.
a. Cut half of pepper in thin long strips and place in bowl for chicken dish.
b. Dice other half in fine, small pieces for pasta salad.
3. Cut Hungarian banana pepper into small pieces for pasta salad.
4. Cut red onion in half.
a. Cut half of onion in thin long strips and place in bowl for chicken dish.
b. Dice other half in fine, small pieces for pasta salad.
5. Dice black olives and place in bowl for pasta salad.
6. Dice pepperonicci and place in bowl for pasta salad.
7. Remove 4 chipotle peppers from can and dice, putting into bowl for the chicken dish.
8. Dice green onions and set aside separate from the pasta salad and chicken vegetables.
9. Mince garlic. Place half in bowl for chicken dish, other half in bowl for salad.
10. Dice chicken breasts into cubes and cook in a large skillet in 1/3 cup of olive oil over medium high heat. When done put in a separate bowl with half of the cooked bacon bits.
11. Sit back on couch for a couple minutes, drink 1 Heineken to kind of get your culinary groove on while watching reruns of Law and Order: SVU on TBS.

Chicken Dish

Bring 4 quarts of water to a boil, add bowtie pasta.
Melt stick of margarine in a large skillet, add one cup half and half. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to a simmer, stirring constantly for about 20 minutes until sauce starts to thicken slightly, (Sauce will not get real thick).
After 10 minutes, add bowl of vegetables for the chicken dish to the skillet with as much of the sauce (red adobo) from the can of chipotle peppers as possible (2-3 teaspoons)
When pasta is done, strain and toss to remove excess water. Take 1/3 of pasta and throw in skillet. Add chicken and bacon and cook over medium heat for five or six minutes or until chicken is warm.
Dish up on plates or bowls, sprinkle with cilantro and half of chopped green onion.

Pasta Salad

1. Take remaining pasta and rinse with cold water until cool to the touch. Toss to remove excess water and then place in large mixing bowl.
2. Add bowl of finely diced vegetables, 1/3 cup of balsalmic vinegar, 1/3 cup of olive oil, feta cheese, remaining green onions and mix thoroughly.
3. Serve immediately or chill.
4. Drink remaining Heineken as reward for a job well done

Bon Appetit!

Now I just have to come up with a name for my creations and reassure my readership that , yes, I am really straight.