Friday, August 19, 2005

Much About Nothing

Well just posting pretty much for the sake of posting. It has still been very busy here between moving into the new house, migrating to a new job and trying to remember how to take care of a new baby. In addition to that, internet service has been spotty lately which hasn’t done much to help in researching anything new to write. Today, I should be able to hook up the high-speed internet at home that came as a fringe benefit with my new job so I should be able to research and write articles a little quicker now (as long as I’m not distracted by web gaming or adult entertainment sites), though I doubt that will do much to help you read this drivel any quicker.

I really do not have too much to report on as of late. About the only semi-amusing tale that has crossed my path over the last couple of weeks came from my wife last night. She went to meet with a local moms’ group she has decided to join and heard another woman talking about an incident that happened to her a couple of weeks ago. Apparently she was cleaning up after dinner and in the process turned on the garbage disposal. She heard something strange inside it so she turned it off and stuck her hand into it to see what was jamming it up. She pulled out what she at first thought to be a plum, but since she knew there had been no plums in the house recently, she held it up to the light for a better look. She then noticed that it had hair beneath it’s peel and, still not sure of what it was she was holding, tried to pull some more skin off of the alleged piece of mystery fruit. She then realized that the “skin” she was peeling away was actually a wing and that she was holding the mangled corpse of a processed bat. It had somehow gotten into the house and, looking for a dark and damp place to hole up and catch some Z’s, made an unfortunate choice in hotel accommodations. The story seems highly plausible to me. My new house is located in an area that is utterly infested with bats (which I like because of their effect on the local mosquito population). About the only thing more plentiful than bats in Grand Blanc, Michigan is cemeteries, which makes me wonder if this country-fresh air we’re now breathing is really all it’s cracked up to be. The only other explanations I can come up with for all these cemeteries is that there’s some Amish gang war raging in the area or that the Union Carbide chemical division has a facility somewhere near town that I haven’t noticed yet.

I would also like to take this opportunity to ask for the some help from my dozen loyal readers. The JEP Report, in its present form, will be coming to end soon. I’ve got about seven more sea-stories to document and after that I’m out of material. Sorry, I only did so much in the service so there’s a finite supply of those things. After I write those, I will be bundling them all up and shipping them off to a publisher to see if I can somehow generate some income from this endeavor. My quandary now is what to do next.

My first idea has to do with meticulously researching and documenting the decline of Detroit, the city I just recently fled, and the general weirdness of living in Michigan. I think the appeal of that would be fairly limited though, especially since half of this blog’s repeat visitors are from Canada, England, Northern Ireland, Hungary (yeah, I’d like to hear how the guy from Hungary came across this site too) Japan and Australia. I’m also considering focusing on political humor and commentary.

If the book does take off, I’m thinking about going on a big bender through Canada, starting in Newfoundland and wrapping it up in the Yukon. With the great beer my northern neighbor produces, I think this could prove interesting. If the book does well, I would also try to do a similar thing in the countries of my ancestry, Ireland and Poland.

Anyway, I need ideas. Tell me what you would like to hear, what the interests of my audience are. It’s much easier, and far more rewarding, writing for a specific audience. Any input you can offer will be greatly appreciated.

Well, my lunch hour’s almost over, so until next time, adieu.


Anonymous Fade_to_Blah said...

Any story you feel like writing about really. The demise of Detroit would be a good read, as your Training Day story was funny as all hell. Plus its interesting to see how bad a city can really get hehe.

Im definitly not a fan of political anything and dont care to read it (just being honest). In that sense, I dont even like to read the political humor as its got the "political" part to it.

All the writing you did about your childhood was great to read (infact I think I liked it better than the navy stories). You must have some more stuff from that time!

I mean you wrote about your children being born and turned that into a funny story (i still laugh whenever I thinka bout you trying to put a trashbag over your seat and telling your wife to sit on it). You have a humerous outlook on most things so just write about any goddalm thing. Hell I bet you could turn a simple trip to Walmart into something amusing.

Let me know if you get an idea for your site that you need help with, I do programming for a software company now however I did do web development all throughout college.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Fade_to_Blah said...

Also, count me in for the bender in Canada. I gotta have a beer with ya haha

11:42 AM  
Blogger JEP said...

One Vote for Documenting Detroit’s Demise, and thanks for the vote of confidence.

Yeah, I might do the Canadian bender just for the hell of it anyway. Vancouver is probably my second favorite city in this hemisphere (New Orleans is my first) so it would give me a great excuse to go back there. If I time it right, maybe I could just follow The Great Big Sea around while they’re on tour.

As for the kid stories, those are included in the seven sea stories I was talking about.

11:59 AM  
Anonymous Fade_to_Blah said...

So you dont think you'll be able to continue with doing something ilke John Hargrave does on Zug? He just seems to come up with random things to work with. Your just as funny, just do that (yea i make it sound that easy) haha

12:10 PM  
Blogger JEP said...

Not really. I don’t think I could. John’s a great gag man and able to make his own humor happen. I’m just not that original. I think my strengths are more in narration, finding humor in something that has happened in front of me. I think I’m better at twisting the language to describe an event then engineering it from start to finish, not that I’m above antagonizing an already volatile situation to ensure that it terminates with a spectacular conclusion.

Also, I appreciate your programming offer. I may eventually take you up on that. I would like to move this into a more standard web page format that is better organized, but I need to generate much more site traffic to justify a steady advertising income or Cafépress store to cover the hosting fees (too house-poor at the moment to cover it myself). If that ever happens, I could probably use your help. Thanks again.

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Fade_to_Blah said...

I have free hosting for you if you want it to. Its not a big deal for me since I have a dedicated server that I can do as I please with. You just basically gotta register your domain (9 bucks at godaddy). The only time it would be a problem is if the site got too huge and started getting a TON of traffic. You just gotta figure out what you want to do first

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jep, say it ain't so... what will I do without your raucous tales of drunken teenage and adult hi jinks?!

I suppose you could do a Hargrave and narrate some of your old stories. That could be pretty cool if you had a spare week in which to do one!

Or more limericks and comics etc. They pretty much rock.

Good luck figuring out what to do. And you know I'll read and enjoy whatever you write, you have the gift. Please don't stop writing altogether.


3:15 PM  
Blogger JEP said...

No, the writing won't stop altogether, its just that the material will change. I'll probably be hammering on the keyboard long past the point where I should have stopped.

12:10 AM  
Blogger GMTMan said...


I always enjoy your writings on any topic, regardless if it's a story about past 'events', or just your take on things.

You've got sense and wit - and that makes for good writing.

And should the writers' block prevail, I'll let you write about that weird facial expression while steering that Jeep...

6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jep,

I came here through ZUG, i liked the Tijuana story (at last someone who can write more than one paragraph at one time) so I read your page (sometimes I have a lot of time at work). So it's nothing special, it didn't come to me in a dream or anything like that.
And yeah, you can write about anything (it's not what you write, it's how you write it). Except politics. I live in a former socialist country with former socialists as politicians, so we really get the ugliest stuff. I develop a rash when I hear the word.
Bring on the navy stories!

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Guy from Hungary

Oh and one more thing, if you are ever in Hungary (haha) I could show you a couple of places just like Tijuana. Except without tequilla. But the alternative is just as good (or bad, depends on the point of view).

10:39 AM  
Blogger JEP said...

Hungary Guy:

You must be very careful about your internet invitations. If I am ever in the area, you are basically assured that I will take you up on it and I have a habit of showing up in places where I am least expected (at least I was not expecting to wake up in half the places that I found myself waking up in).

Anyway, glad to have you here and glad you're enjoying the blog! I really was shocked to see someone from Hungary here reading the entire thing. I thought American humor had a hard time crossing the Atlantic, but I'm glad to see that at least one European outside of the UK can appreciate it.

Once again, welcome and it was good to hear from you. I hope you comment regularly.


6:18 PM  
Blogger JEP said...

And GMT Man,

I'm sorry, that's a face that a thousand words can't begin to describe. Thought you got the easy part of that job trying to steer, didn't you?

6:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll read and enjoy anything you write, Jep. I like your style.


10:42 AM  
Blogger JEP said...

Thanks for another vote of confidence, Cindy!

11:07 PM  

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