Crocodile Tears Part #2

Phone conversation I had with my wife yesterday:

Wife: Where’s that flashlight Mason got for his birthday?

Me: I have no idea. Why?

Wife: I told Mason that alligators are afraid of light and if you shine it in their eyes, they’ll run away and leave you alone.

Me: And he’s buying this herpetologogical hypothesis?

Wife: What’s herpes got to do with this?

Me: Never mind. I don’t know where the flashlight is.

Wife: I’ve got the cow flashlight that moos when it opens up it mouth and turns on.

Me: (Knows Mason has seen the documentary where the crocodiles gorily dispatch stampeding wildebeests trying to cross a river) That would work perfectly if alligators were militant vegetarians. That should comfort him about as much as bathing him seal’s blood and then tossing him over the wall at the zoo’s polar bear exhibit.