Monday, September 19, 2005

Road Rage

I'm convinced that something funny or worth talking about happens to every single person every single day. That is why I really do not see why I cannot update this thing on a daily basis. For instance, today's amusing anecdote:
I am on my way to work at five this morning, traveling next to a large tractor trailer, when I see a pair of headlights materialize from over the hill behind me and start gaining on us at a high rate of speed. Since my latest ticket, I've been a bit paranoid about the police lately so I let up on the gas and hoped it was not a somewhat less than friendly member of the Michigan State Police Department's Traffic Enforcement Unit. It turned out to be a rusted out Buick that had appear to have either lost its brakes or piloted by a blind member of the Andretti family with a severe case of Attentention Deficit Disorder.
The portion of Interstate 75 that I was on at the time is usually three lanes wide but due to the Michigan Department of Transportation's fetish for road work, it was reduced to two for several miles. I was in the left lane and the tractor-trailer was in the right, directly beside me. The Buick never even attempted to slow down. He just non-chalantly swerved onto the shoulder, hit a bloated piece of furry roadkill, passed the truck as if it was standing still. Once his rear bumper cleared the truck's grill, he swerved left with no warning whatsoever, cutting the truck off and sending him into my lane. I catapulted into the closed lane, somehow managing to pass between the orange barrels without actually hitting one and repeat the feat once the truck was back in his own lane.
I could not believe the utter stupidity of the man behind the Buick and his complete disregard of not only the traffic laws governing vehicular conduct in construction zones, but the "unofficial" code of commuter courtesy as well. I mean, what kind of psychopathic maniac forgets to use his turn signal when merging back onto the expressway after passing an eighteen wheeler on the right shoulder doing twice the legal construction zone speed limit in pre-dawn darkness? I had half a mind to take down his license plate and turn his sorry ass in but I was too busy trying to read the bumper sticker on the Buick before it got too far away. Apparently the Buick's owner has a son who is an honor student at an area middle school. If I was him, I would seriously consider having a paternity test done.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

People are idiots!

I'm glad you're ok Jep.


8:21 AM  
Blogger JEP said...

Ahhhh, I was fine. I was actually admiring the moron's complete lack of fear until he almost killed me.

9:04 PM  
Blogger Sacto Ritch said...

Ahh! Back in the comfy confines of the JEP report. It's been awhile James.
This particular story was right around the time I visited you. I must say that driving in California weather is WAY easier than driving in the monsoon I experienced there in Michigan, but the drivers out here make Michigan drivers look like a state full of nervous high schoolers on their final driving exam! That kinda crap happens every day here.
By the way, Why are there so many damn frogs on the highway back there?
Sacto Ritch

12:07 AM  
Blogger JEP said...

Great to have you back here Ritch. Its just a right tragedy that the responsibilities of parenthood kept us from getting righteously blotto while you were here. That's why I suggested we need to meet again somewhere in the Third World for another epic bender.

9:23 AM  

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