Sunday, April 17, 2005

South Korean Finally Passes Driver's Test After 271 Tries

An inveterate backseat driver, my wife probably puts my driving skills on par with this guy. No sooner have I put the car in gear than I am instantly bombarded with a barrage of commands like, "Slow Down!", "Oh my God! Watch out for the squirrel / police car / children / window-cleaning-homeless guy", or the ever popular, "What are you trying to do? KILL US!?!?!?!?" It has gotten to the point that I dread any road trip longer than thirty minutes that I have to endure in a moving automobile with my family. I have also sworn off lengthy family road vacations unless I can go armed with a tranquilizer gun and enough ammunition to pacify my wife, two (soon to be three) children, mother-in-law and, for recreational purposes, myself.
Invariably, whenever we end up driving together the same conversation ensues. After finally reaching my breaking point I explode into, "THAT'S ENOUGH! EITHER DRIVE OR SHUT UP! I am not a road menace any more than you are!"
"Well," she'll respond, "I'm not the one with two speeding tickets!"
"My two tickets were for going five miles over the speed limit, while passing, over eight years ago. You drive three times that amount over the speed limit through school zones! Besides that, UNLIKE YOU, I have never wrecked the #&%#! car!"
"What are you talking about!?!?!?! You totaled a Mustang!"
"Doesn't count. That happened over twenty years ago, before I was old enough to hold a valid driver's license. Besides that, I was drunk."
Unfortunately, she doesn't buy that arguement any more than the tee-totalling social retard I am cursed with having as an insurance agent does.

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