Wednesday, January 05, 2005

2005 Detroit Auto Show #2 - The Chrysler Firepower

If there is one thing that Chrysler really excels at, it is identifying consumer needs and developing a product that meets them to excess. A perfect example would be the creation of the minivan in the 1980s. Chrysler sensed the animosity that baby boomers, who at this time were approaching their peak earning years, had for the station wagon yet knew that they would still need a means to transport four screaming pre-pubescent savages, an incontinent border collie, two coolers full of sickeningly sweet orange-flavored wine coolers and a wide array of Rubic’s Cubes, Cabbage Patch Kids, Smurf Items, intimacy aids and caseloads of Valium to the summer cottage for a weekend getaway. Voila, they developed the minivan. Twenty years later, Chrysler has recognized that there is a population segment that is unable to reap the benefits of Viagra, Cialis and the plethora of herbal erectile dysfunction aids lauded in the multitude of spam e-mail messages that bombard every internet-savvy American male’s electronic inbox every week. For the ultimate experience in non-pharmaceutical penile compensation, the DaimlerChrysler Corporation offers the Firepower concept. Built off of the Viper platform, the Firepower is driven by a 425-horsepower HEMI V-8, boasts a top speed of 185 miles per hour and will go from 0 to 60 in 4.5 seconds, which is just .0765 seconds longer than the average …a-hem…..staying power, of the vehicle’s target demographic. Fuel consumption has not yet been announced, but I would bet it is safe to say that it probably falls within a range that would make an opponent to Arctic oil drilling shake with an intensity seldom seen outside of the French armed forces.

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