Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Effective Parenting Through Visual Aids

We all want our kids to be safe. We try to keep them from juggling knives, poking pit bulls in the eyes, playing with matches (got that Alan?), and running while holding a pair of scissors. Being kids though, they generally look for the loophole and while they may temporarily stop doing something, like running with scissors, they will usually slightly modify their hobby by holding something else, like a hand grenade or gas-powered hedge trimmer.

Fortunately, these days there is e-mail and every once in a while you get something that makes your job as a parent a little bit easier. I have probably told my kids a million times not only not to run with scissors in their hands, but not with any sharp objects in their grasp be it knives, forks, pencils, syringes or meat thermometers. Each time I do, they roll their eyes and give me the disinterested, "Yes father, o wise bald one". Obviously, they don't believe me anymore than I believed my parents so I had to show them proof, whipping out a picture I recently received in my inbox to drive home the point on why it is not a good idea to goof around in the kitchen while holding a fork:

The effect the picture had was predictable. They gave the child his due sympathy by saying "Awwww, the little boy has a boo-boo on his nose! That's so sad!" and then went on continuing with their potentially lethal behavior. This forced me to up the ante and kick up the shock factor a bit by showing them the full efect of what really happened:

It was much more effective, but now they regard their silverware as if we slathered it in Mad Cow Disease before putting it on their place setting, preferring to eat with their fingers. With a little luck, I'm hoping that it will also counteract any body piercing fetishes they may develop as teenagers as well.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

What happened to your journalism bone JEP? Why did that mom jam a fork in her kids nose? Are they cannibals of the far north? Are they a long lost relatives to the Donners? And what happened after the second pic in your fine peice? I wonder, what constitutes "done" in Minnesota?


10:04 PM  
Blogger said...

That may be the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my entire life.


11:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Matches? Pfft. Aside from being an onomatopoeic disregardation, it is the noise of an incendiary bomb created from matches and bottle rockets.

Seriously though, for something fun and relatively safe to do with matches, google search 'match rockets'.

And, try the following image searches:

pain series

These will soon be the most horrible things you've ever seen.

3:12 AM  
Blogger JEP said...

Uh Nick, as disturbing as that picture is (I definately put it in my top 5), I would highly reccomend you disregard Alan's advice there unless you have some bleach to wash your eyes out with immediately afterwards.

6:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I take it you have personal experience with some of the preceding?

12:08 AM  
Blogger GMTMan said...

Well, that explains it right there; the kid's a Twins fan! Cut, print, film at 11...

And for what it's worth, JEP, I don't think bleach is a strong enough chemical for what I just mistakenly Googled. I'm opting for a first rinse of sodium hydroxide followed by a second application of silver halide.

12:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Internet: Enter at Own Risk.

Why would you google those things? I SAID they wouldn't be good...

Out of curiosity, which one was it? If it was Goatse, you ain't seen nothing yet. Except you have, and now you can never un-see it.

2:46 AM  
Blogger said...

Glad I didn't look.


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2:44 AM  

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