Saturday, December 02, 2006

When It Rains, It Pours

An earlier potty misadventure


So, I'm trying to make the kids breakfast this morning when my daughter runs downstairs laughing saying that her younger brother is peeing in the bathroom.
"That's where he is supposed to be peeing, honey."
"No Dad! He's peeing all over the bathroom!"
Now my son is four and, being already able to read, I assume that he is fairly intelligent for his age. I was sure that my daughter was exagerating. I walked upstairs to see what it was he was up to.
When I opened the bathroom door, I found my son standing there butt-naked, the lid to the toilet seat down and urine all over the floor, the rug, the walls and the bathtub. Naturally, I exploded. "WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE DOING?!?!"
Having been put on the spot, Mason stammered for an answer. "But...ah..I ...was...buuuuh...guuuh...do.." Realizing that he was in serious trouble, he then just started a line of pathetic whimpering.
"WHY ARE YOU PEEING ALL OVER THE BATHROOM?!?!?"
He covered his naked posterior with his hands, knowing very well that when I was done with him, he was going to end up with an ass that would make him the the biggest sex symbol that babboon world had ever seen. Bursting into tears, he cried, "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS AN ACCIDENT?!?!? WERE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR PEE-PEE WHEN IT SUDDENLY WENT OFF?!? WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO TRY TO PEE ALL OVER THE WALLS?!?"
"I WASN"T TRYING TO PEE ON THE WALLS!"
"DON'T LIE TO ME!!! IF YOU WEREN'T TRYING TO PEE ON THE WALLS, THEN WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO PEE ON?!?!"
With a gut wrenching, soul searing wail, Mason then cried, "I WAS TRYING TO PEE ON THE CEILLLLLLIIIIINNNGG!"
So I guess that technically, he wasn't lying and it really was an accident. That doesn't mean he will survive the day, though.
The sad part is, I can see this kid growing up to be my favorite.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Lob said...

So young and already aiming for the top. His answer to the what were you trying to pee on question was just brilliant. Nice kid you got there, JEP.
Looks like he's gonna have some fun times in his life, especially in his teens, and I'm sure you're still in for quite some adventures because of him.
Better start preparing.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Mother said...

Gotta love it JEP. You always has to aim high to reach your goals in life. That kind of makes me wonder what he's going to do during his college days, though? I'd swear there was alcohol involved if I didn't know his age....

4:16 AM  
Blogger Sacto Ritch said...

I have personally tried to pee on the ceiling once or twice in my life. I have found it rather challenging. The will is there but the pressure is not. Plus, whenever the urge has hit me to try, my aim is slightly askew. Maybe because of the booze, I'm not sure. I am sure however that I probably wouldn't even attempt it sober.

12:10 AM  
Blogger JEP said...

You know, if I really put my mind to it, and drank a lot of cheap beer, I could probably hit the ceiling. I just hope that I wouldn't be trying to hit my OWN ceiling. Heaven help you people if I'm ever drinking at your house though.

There's actually a part two to this story if I can get my computer running right.

8:59 PM  

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