Freudian Slip at the Golden Arches

I was at McDonald’s yesterday. After we finished, my wife took my daughter to the bathroom while I tried to occupy my 2-year-old. He wanted to give “High Fives” So we did. The following conversation transpired:

Son: “Gimme Five, Daddy!”

I give him five.

Son: “Gimme Potato Dad!"

We bump fists and cheer.

Son: “Gimme elbow, Daddy!”

We bump elbows, then knees, then shoulders and virtually every other body part until my son bows down towards me, laughing hysterically and yells, “GIMME HEAD DAD!”

I busted out laughing myself and replied, in a voice much louder than I meant to project, “I ain’t giving you head!”

I then noticed how many people were staring at me so, to avoid a costly call to Child Welfare Services, I head-butted the little cretin.