Sunday, April 15, 2007

When You're Home Alone With A Broken Television Set

Well, it’s been busy and in all likelihood will remain that way for quite some time. Work has grown truly insane, I have another baby on the way who’s due to arrive on May 15th, I’m writing a book and I’m flirting with the idea of quitting smoking, which blows my concentration all to hell. In short, I really do not see myself posting with any regularity in the foreseeable future.

So meanwhile,
here is something to keep you all busy in the meantime. It is strangely addicting. You just type your name in the blank, hit SUBMIT, and it spits out a cool, catchy advertising slogan about you. I spent about an hour on it earlier and came up with:

The Jep Sign Means Happy Motoring

The JEP sign is better known as THE BIRD.

Simple Impartial Jep

Right, I have no bias. Whatsover.

You've Got Questions. We've Got Jep.

Indeed. I am omnipotent and all-knowing.

Don't be an Amber Jep.

True. Amber Jep's are boring. Amber Alerts are where it's at.

Full Of Eastern Jep.

From 1991 to 1994, many Asian women were.

It's a Beautiful Jep.

Indeed.

Stimulation for Body and Jep.

Must be midget porn.

You Too Can Have A Jep Like Mine.

OH NO YOU CAN'T!!!

Lipsmackin' Thirstquenchin' Acetastin' Motivatin' Goodbuzzin' Cooltalkin' Highwalkin' Fastlivin' Evergivin' Coolfizzin' Jep.

That would be Ghetto Jep.

Jep Born and Bred.

At least four little savages were.

An Army of Jep.

More like a navy...

Turn Loose The Jep.

Actually, that usually results in an instant arrest.

Feel the Jep.

Often and with enthusiasm.

Promise Her Anything, But Give Her Jep.

Yep, I last longer than diamonds baby!

Devon Knows How They Make Jep So Creamy.

Unless Devon looks like Anne Hathaway without teeth, I highly doubt it.

3-in-1 Protection for your Jep.

And you'll need it too with all the places I have been.

Have a Jep and Smile.

...or a rohphynol hangover and a raging case of the clap.

You Can Really Taste The Jep!

I won't go there.

Do You Have The Jep Inside?

Dammit! Now my computer's asking that question too?!?!

2 Comments:

Blogger Alan the Great said...

As interesting as these are, the ones for 'hamster' are bordering on disturbing. But, as they say, Every Kiss Begins With Hamster. I'm going to be playing with this for a while now, partly because of it's apparently psychic powers: Little. Yellow. Different. Hamster.

11:48 PM  
Anonymous Lee said...

Just for fun I put in the name of my store, a pet shop called Little Critters. I think some of these might send the wrong idea.

The Cream of Little Critters
or
You can taste the little critters
or
Life should taste as good as little critters
or even
Little Critters - The Appetizer!
(I'm calling the local Chinese place)


Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Little Critters.
(yes, VD might explain the insanity)

8 out of 10 Owners who Expressed a Preference said Their Cats Preferred Little Critters.
(and the other 2)

That's Handy, Harry! Stick It In The Little Critters.
(Well this pet shop is in south Alabama)

but instead of boring you with the thousands of disturbing permutations, I will leave you with these words to live by:
Grab Life by the Little Critters.

3:01 PM  

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