Up until now, my writing has basically been recollections of personal experiences and frankly, I’ve pretty much run out of material. I’ve been reduced to now facing the reality of having to just make stuff up. In short, I’m going to try my hand at fiction writing.I spent hours trying to come up with a truly original idea, but most everything has pretty much been done. Then this story popped into my head about a polka band who loses a bet and is forced to perform at a retirement home in S&M drag, an appearance so shocking and outrageous that one of the residents drops dead of a heart attack at the show. The resulting publicity launches them into music superstardom as the world’s first punk polka band, Acid Pulaski, where they succumb to excessive debauchery before finally imploding. The cast of characters include:
Sid Pulaski – Acid Pulaski’s frontman. Inveterate alcoholic who ends up as the lone survivor of the band’s success. Story is told through his eyes.
Derek Walesa – Band’s drummer and extremely homophobic womanizer. In his Acid Pulaski persona, he dresses in a Hello Kitty cheerleading outfit with pigtails and becomes a violently reluctant icon of the gay community, usurping SpongeBob Squarepants.
“Tricky Dick” Jagiello – A typical hypochondriac, vice-less, goody-two-shoes, momma’s boy, he discovers his repressed alter-ego within the leather negligee and Richard Nixon mask he takes the stage in and degenerates into a spectacle of pop music excess, drowning in debauched groupie sex and the despair of heroin addiction. As the only person in the band who actually likes polka, Tricky Dick is the musical force behind Acid Pulaski.
“Stalin” Vance Kerchenko – Group mascot. For a man who is 88 years old, Stalin Vance is a physical wonder. He looks every bit his age, thoroughly wrinkled, bald, toothless and liver spotted, but he has the stamina and energy of a thirty year old. Unfortunately, his mind has been thoroughly ravaged by dementia. He is incredibly vulgar, a fanatical arena rock aficionado, in a perpetual state of sexual arousal and, in his position as the mascot of the globe’s hottest pop-music juggernauts, tagging groupies two at a time.
Heather Ruby – As Acid Pulaski’s manager, she manages to escalate the band’s success to unimaginable heights, keep them together long enough to reap the financial rewards of their notoriety and fend off the incessant romantic advances of Stalin Vance.
So, what do you think? I think it’s got Pulitzer written all over it.